What Kind of You...?

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked : " What kind of "-ese" are you ?"

The Japanese, confused and replied, " Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."

The American repeated, "What kind of "-ese" are you ?"

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, then yell, "What kind of -ese are you ?? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc........."

The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I'm a Japanese !"

A while later, the Japanese turned to the American and asked, " What kind of "-key" are you ?"

The American, frustrated, yelled, "What you mean what kind of "-key" I am ?"

The Japanese said, " Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee ?"

Taiwanese Tourist

A Taiwanese man with very poor, practically no, English knowledge once visited the US.

His name happened to be : Teng Xiao Ping. At the Immigration, the officer asked him a few questions to verify his true intention of coming to the US:

First he was asked : " What is the last name of our first President ? "

Not knowing English neither what was the question, he guessed they must have asked him for his family name. So he replied : " Wa Sing Teng. " (in Hokkien meaning My Last Name is Teng).

The officer heard of " Washington ! " (same sound) so passed him of the first question.

Second question was : " What do u come to the US for ? "

This time the Taiwanese thought, naturally he wud be asked of his first name. So he replied : " Xiao Ping. "

The officer heard of : " Shopping ! " so nodded and proceeded with his third question. " What car do u drive back home ? "

The tourist thought he was asked of his marital status, so he exclaimed : " Wa Bo Bo." (in Hokkien meaning I have no wife).

And the officer heard of : " Volvo ! " So smiled with compliment and asked again.

The fourth question was : " Who is the most popular basket ball player here in the US ? "

By this time our Taiwanese friend was getting a bit impatient and annoyed hence shouted : " Mai Ho Wa Ja Dan. " (meaning Don't let me here wait).

The officer heard of : " Michael Jordon ! " With great appreciation of this tourist's wide knowledge, the officer let him passed without further harrassment.

British Airways

" This is captain Sinclair speaking. On behalf of my crew I'd like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. "

" If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft,you will observe that the starboard engines are on fire. If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. "

" If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. That's me your captain, the co-pilot and one of the air stewardess. " This is a recorded message. "